5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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