Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
