Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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