Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
