I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
