I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
