she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
