i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
do nipples grow back?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
