I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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