he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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