Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
