Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
