if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
