fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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