come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
