mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
