My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
