She's JV to your varsity
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
