Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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