woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
