she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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