Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
