oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
