There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
