were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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