I puked a lego.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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