i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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