he wants to bone in the snuggie
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
