I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
