I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
