Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
