I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
