My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
