Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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