We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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