Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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