Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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