So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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