My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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