My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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