at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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