It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
