so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
