Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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