The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
