cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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