I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
