Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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