Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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