hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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