He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
