dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
kristin has been a bad kristin
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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