Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
