I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
